Dealing With Grief...

During The Holidays

This week marks the official start of the holiday season.

Most folks love the excitement in the air, the brisk weather, and the holiday decorations. And let’s be real, people are usually more chipper during this time of the year.

Amid the happy-filled times for many, this time of year can be tough.

During the holidays, dealing with grief can be overwhelming. Whether you have recently experienced the loss of a loved one or if you have been dealing with a loss for a while (there is no set amount of time to grieve), the holidays can be a particularly hard time.

For me, the holidays bring the ache of missing my dad and my grandfather. The sadness of them and other loved ones not being here is not easier, but I have learned to cope with the sadness. That nudging, empty, achy feeling that grief stirs up tends to be a bit more intense as the holidays approach.

If you are grieving do not be ashamed of the feelings you have. Feeling sadness and missing those who are no longer with us is completely OK.

If you do feel down and the weight of those feelings is too heavy, please reach out to a family member, friend, therapist, or pastor. You do not need to hold all the feelings of grief inside. You should not hold it all in. No one should expect you to hold it all in.

Here are a few things that have helped me in my grieving process and may be helpful to you:

Talk to someone about the loved ones you’re missing. Sharing memories with others can help ease some of the sadness.

Keep a journal and write about your feelings. Sometimes, writing it out can bring comfort to our minds.

Pray and ask God for comfort. Ask others to pray with and for you. There is truly power in prayer. 

Exercise: A good workout can do wonders for our minds.

Schedule an appointment with a therapist; bereavement therapy can be so helpful in finding ways to help navigate through the grief process.

I have had to deal with deep grief a few times. I have tried ignoring the feelings of sadness and saying, "In time, things will get better." I have been rocked to my core and have been on my knees begging God to comfort me in the hardest parts of grief. I have sat in a bible study sharing my sadness and I have sat in a therapist's office learning how to deal with grief.

There is no one answer to how to deal with grief. Each of us has to figure out what it is that will work for us. Do not feel bad if the answer to what is best for you takes time to arrive. Finding that answer is part of the grieving process.

If you have a family member or friend who is dealing with grief this holiday season, please reach out to them. You do not have to have all the answers, and the folks who are grieving aren’t expecting you to have all the answers either. When dealing with grief, just knowing that folks genuinely are concerned is comforting and means so much. Those check-ins for me were welcomed and so needed.

As we head into a new week and the holiday season, I also want to share a few more things that I hope you will find as helpful as I have found them to be:

This episode of Lisa Whittle’s podcast is so good, you may need tissues, but it is honest, raw, and hopeful:

Sheryl Sandberg’s essay about the loss of her husband:

"A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: "Let me not die while I am still alive." I would never have understood that prayer before losing Dave. Now I do. "

https://www.vox.com/2015/6/4/8725837/sheryl-sandberg-grief-love

And last but not least, a poem from me to you:

Dear Grief

Sometimes you come in like a thief in the night.

Other times, you give us time to prepare.

You fill our pillows with small puddles of tears as we wish our loved ones were still here.

Your grip on our minds and hearts can be overbearing, and sometimes there seems to be no end in sight.

The feelings you bring are sometimes darker than the roughest of nights.

We muddle through your tangled road map, twisting, turning, redirecting, and mourning.

We'll never be able to get away from you completely.

We will figure out how to deal with you.

We deal and we find different ways to find comfort and peace.

Dear grief, there are no winners in this.

Hope will be sought and found.

Until then, we will go round and round.

I hope you have a great week and a Happy Thanksgiving!