When you have gone through a season of pain or grief it can be hard to expect good things to happen. You may find yourself enjoying a good moment and then think: I am feeling so joyful, This feels good, I missed feeling this type of happiness. And then a rush of panic may hit and you start to think: What bad is coming next?
This is what the last year has been like for me as I have grieved.
Looking back over the last year there have been so many good and celebratory things in my life. And yet I have so many times felt a dark cloud hovering over me as I am in a celebratory mood.
I have worked hard and am still working hard on dealing with these feelings/thoughts of “what bad is coming next”.
Over the last few weeks, I have stopped walking with my walking buddy and have taken time to walk alone and do some prayer walks/walks talking to Jesus the entire time.
Last week I read a devotion and one question asked was “Are you asking God for help with what you want in your life and asking Him to help you be still or are you telling Him what you want and ending your prayer?”
For me, it has been the latter.
In that devotion, the verse Ephesians 3:20 was referenced: With God’s power working in us, he can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of.
So, I have started asking in my prayers that Jesus help me work on asking Him for guidance and help me right at the moment the thoughts of “what’s next” start creeping in.
Sometimes it helps right away and sometimes it does not. What does work for me is that I have the comfort of taking this grief to Jesus and knowing that help is on the way.
In bereavement therapy, I have learned that leaning on others as you grieve and sharing what you are going through is needed. As much as I wish grief was something anyone had to deal with, I am so grateful for those who are willing to open up and share what grief is like for them. When we share, we help others as they grieve.
A book I am looking forward to starting this week is “Breathing Through Grief” this book is coming out at the perfect time. As the holiday season starts, I want to be able to acknowledge my grief and not let it weigh me down.
Breathing Through Grief is written by Dorina Gilmore who has experienced seasons of grief, hope, and renewal. Dorina was so kind to let me share a devotional from her book:
Breathing at Higher Altitudes
A FEW YEARS AGO, I ATTENDED A RETREAT in Estes Park, Colorado, which sits at the base of Rocky Mountain National Park at 7,522 feet elevation.
The air feels thinner at higher altitudes like that. One morning I went for a five-mile run on a path not far from our cabin. My chest pulled tight as Itried to fill my lungs. I was forced to slow down and take shorter, shallower breaths. I had to give myself grace that my pace was not as fast as it might be at home, where I live in a valley.
In grief, the same is true. We find ourselves at an unfamiliar altitude, and we need to take shorter, shallower breaths. We need to slow our rhythm to breathe. Maybe you can relate based on what you are presently walking through.
In Ezekiel 37, the prophet talks about a valley of dry bones—a symbol of lifelessness. God says to these bones: “I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord” (Ezekiel 37:5–6). God breathes into the bones, and they miraculously rattle and snap to life.
What was once dry and dead is now alive and moving.
In the same way, God breathes into our own lives—sometimes through the stories and encouragement of others—and we come to life.
In community and connection with others, breathing becomes a little easier. We are able to inhale deeply, and breathe out in a way that might help release some of the pain and tension.
I experienced this in Colorado with my friends on the retreat. As I listened to the stories and struggles of other writer-mama-sisters from diverse backgrounds, I felt breath fill my lungs. My spirit was lifted.
In times of grief or loss, it is a gift to sit shoulder to shoulder with others. It’s so easy to default into isolation when we feel overwhelmed.
But when we share our stories, when we bear witness to truth and pain, we offer each other space to breathe.
One of my favorite songs is “Great Are You, Lord” by All Sons & Daughters. This song became especially meaningful when my husband was battling cancer. Since he was too weak to attend church, a couple of friends from the worship band visited our home to sing with my husband.
As they sang and played guitar, my husband sat on our big red couch and listened with a look of heavenly contentment on his face. Our three daughters danced as these worshipful words filled our home: “It’s your breath in our lungs, so we pour out our praise…”
Ironically, the cancer was spreading during that time to my husband’s lungs. His breathing was labored. Little did we know that soon he would meet the One who first breathed life into him. He would exhale this earth and inhale Yahweh face-to-face. Whenever I hear this song, I can’t help but think of that moment and the way our friends sang and breathed life into us when we needed it most.
But when we share our stories, when we bear witness to truth and pain, we offer each other space to breathe.
If you are in a season of pain, take time to listen to others who have been where you are. Share your feelings and know that in doing so you and others will get space to breathe. This reminder from Dorina is timely and so needed for me. I pray it does the same for you.
Here are a few ways that you can find out more about Dorina and her new book:
https://dorinagilmore.com/breathingthroughgrief/
Author of Cora Cooks Pancit, Walk Run Soar, Flourishing Together, and more.
Speaker for conferences, retreats, class visits, and more.
Podcast host for Eat Pray Run.
* Glorygram, which is a weekly word of encouragement along with a curated list of Dorina’s favorite recommendations for books, recipes, events, music, and more. Sign up here!
* Connect with Dorina on Instagram and Facebook.
Have a beautiful week.
Share your story or ask someone to share theirs with you, the space to breathe is comfort and healing.
Lovely post. I don't know how people can get through life without Jesus.