Notes From Me To You November 19, 2022

Feeling Empty; Grief and Remaining Hopeful

Last year when I wrote Grief And Hope I would never have imagined that I would be dealing with this level of grief in my life. On October 2, 2022, my mama passed away, (I will write more about my mama at a later time). Each time I say or type "my mama passed away," I feel empty.

I would be lying if I said that I was not struggling. This week, I talked with friends about the difficulties of grieving. That is one thing I will continue to do: share how I am feeling.

Since October 2nd, my sleep pattern has been off, even after traveling to California and returning home to the Carolinas. I still struggle to get good rest. On the nights when I do get a good night's sleep, I am so thankful. Rest is important, as is going through each stage of the grief process.

I wish I knew how long each part of the grieving process would last, and I wish I knew when a certain part of the grieving process that I thought had passed would return. I wish I was not grieving, but that is an unrealistic wish. Even with having gone down this path before and knowing it is a part of life and it will happen again, it is still tough, and it still sucks.

Yesterday I said, "I am in the angry phase of grief," and I meant it and felt it. This past week, I had to adjust my attitude more than a few times and regroup. In the middle of all of this, I am reminding myself to always look for the good things, the little things that we tend to just assume will always be there and are a given. Those little things can help us regroup and know that even as we grieve, there are good things to hold on to.

I am doing lots of holding on to the good things. I am still finding things that make me laugh, and I am holding on to every memory I have of my mama.

I brought my mama’s bible home with me. Years ago, I looked in this same bible and said to my mama, "Oh my goodness, you write in your bible." I had this thing in my mind that we should not be doodling in our bibles. My mama told me that she has always written in her bible. She wrote names next to the verses for those she was praying for, or if something or someone was on her heart, she’d jot their names down. After that, I started doing the same with my own bible.

I have only opened my mama’s bible once since I have had it, and I wanted to peek at her notes. Each day I glance at it multiple times, and I am grateful to have had a no-nonsense, humorous, prayerful mama. I know that her prayers are still covering all of us, and for that, I am so thankful.

As we head into the holiday season, please know that if you are grieving, it is fine to grieve; you do not need to compare your grief to anyone else's. You can grieve and find ways to enjoy the little and big things each day.

Let people know that you appreciate them checking on you. If someone asks how you are doing and you feel inclined to share, please do so. People have no way of knowing the "right" things to ask. People care about you, so if someone is not checking in or asking you how you are doing, please do not take that personally. Some people will not bring up your grief or check in for their own reasons, and some may feel that if they bring it up, they will make you feel sad.

There is no roadmap for the "perfect" way to navigate grief; all we can do is take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute, and that is perfectly fine.

my favorite place to walk, sit and think and enjoy nature